So maybe it's not that my job is intolerable, but more that it's just not what I want to be doing right now. I don't feel like maintaining this stress level is good for me, my children, my family, or really good for anything. It seems like a waste of energy. However, having poured a ridiculous amount of student loan money into a healthcare career, it feels heart-wrenching to walk away and start something new. I'll be paying back those nursing school loans for decades though, regardless of what I'm doing each day for income. So it actually doesn't matter if I'm working in the field of healthcare or now. I should be doing what makes me happiest, calmest, and best able to parent my children the way I want to.
In any case, what I actually want is to be doing something creative, related to home interiors and design. So I guess I should stop agonizing and being upset about this, and just start doing it. I've been working on our own new apartment for the past 6 months, and making some great progress. Just yesterday, I put up a few paint samples to see which color was best for an accent wall in the living room. I'm using black. H thinks I'm a little nuts, but has never been disappointed with my seemingly "out there" design decisions after they're complete. It took a little convincing this time, but can't wait for the final product and his reaction (not to mention the girls' reactions!).
Here's to taking the plunge, on a black wall, and a new direction.